1
00:00:01,311 --> 00:00:04,501
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪

2
00:00:04,526 --> 00:00:07,840
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪

3
00:00:07,932 --> 00:00:11,001
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪

4
00:00:11,052 --> 00:00:13,971
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪

5
00:00:14,022 --> 00:00:17,891
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪

6
00:00:17,976 --> 00:00:20,844
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪

7
00:00:21,398 --> 00:00:22,932
♪ All the things that make us ♪

8
00:00:23,047 --> 00:00:24,347
♪ Laugh and cry ♪

9
00:00:24,415 --> 00:00:28,186
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪

10
00:00:28,187 --> 00:00:31,687
♪ Family Guy 10x05 ♪
Back to the Pilot
Original Air Date on November 13, 2011

11
00:00:31,688 --> 00:00:35,188
== sync, corrected by <font color="

12
00:00:35,189 --> 00:00:36,120
Oh, hey,
there you are.

13
00:00:36,121 --> 00:00:38,155
Hey, listen, I got something
really cool I want you to see.

14
00:00:38,223 --> 00:00:39,256
What is it?

15
00:00:39,324 --> 00:00:41,191
This.
I found it in the yard.

16
00:00:41,259 --> 00:00:42,226
A tennis ball.

17
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,428
That's very impressive, Brian.

18
00:00:44,496 --> 00:00:46,230
Yeah, but don't tell the other
dogs in the neighborhood.

19
00:00:46,297 --> 00:00:47,264
They'll be jealous.

20
00:00:47,332 --> 00:00:49,133
You son of a bitch.

21
00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:50,300
And this is nothing.

22
00:00:50,368 --> 00:00:51,568
There's one tennis
ball out there

23
00:00:51,636 --> 00:00:53,137
that's even cooler
'cause I peed on it.

24
00:00:53,204 --> 00:00:54,271
Buried it years ago.

25
00:00:54,339 --> 00:00:55,639
I just can't
remember where.

26
00:00:55,707 --> 00:00:57,141
I'd give anything
to find it, though.

27
00:00:57,208 --> 00:00:59,209
Well, if you could recall
exactly when you buried it,

28
00:00:59,277 --> 00:01:00,644
I suppose I could
help you out.

29
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,112
I remember the exact day.

30
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:04,415
January 31, 1999.

31
00:01:04,482 --> 00:01:06,417
Very well, follow me, Brian.

32
00:01:06,484 --> 00:01:08,252
Watch out for Ernie.

33
00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,121
He's getting a CAT scan.

34
00:01:26,771 --> 00:01:29,339
Well, here we are.

35
00:01:29,407 --> 00:01:30,908
That's odd.

36
00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:33,410
It's our house, but somehow
it looks a little different.

37
00:01:33,478 --> 00:01:35,212
Mom, my lips
are too thin.

38
00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:37,014
Can I please get
collagen injections?

39
00:01:37,082 --> 00:01:39,216
Meg, you don't need
to change the way you look.

40
00:01:39,284 --> 00:01:40,818
You know, most of
the world's problems

41
00:01:40,885 --> 00:01:42,720
stem from poor self-image.

42
00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:44,221
Oh, my God,
what's with Meg's voice?

43
00:01:44,289 --> 00:01:45,656
She sounds like someone

44
00:01:45,724 --> 00:01:47,591
who's about to give up
a huge opportunity.

45
00:01:47,659 --> 00:01:49,093
That's nothing.
Look at you.

46
00:01:49,160 --> 00:01:51,829
You look like a prize at some
Mexican church carnival.

47
00:01:51,896 --> 00:01:53,063
Excellent.

48
00:01:53,131 --> 00:01:54,798
The mind control device
is nearing completion.

49
00:01:54,866 --> 00:01:57,401
Stewie, I said
no toys at the table.

50
00:01:57,469 --> 00:01:58,669
Damn you, vile woman!

51
00:01:58,737 --> 00:02:00,304
You've impeded my work
since the day

52
00:02:00,371 --> 00:02:02,039
I escaped from
your wretched womb.

53
00:02:02,107 --> 00:02:03,574
Oh, don't pout, honey.

54
00:02:03,641 --> 00:02:06,376
You know, when you were born,
the doctor said you were

55
00:02:06,444 --> 00:02:08,812
the happiest looking baby
he'd ever seen.

56
00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:09,847
But of course.

57
00:02:09,914 --> 00:02:11,315
That was my victory day.

58
00:02:11,382 --> 00:02:13,283
The fruition
of my deeply-laid plans

59
00:02:13,351 --> 00:02:15,986
to escape from that cursed
ovarian bastille.

60
00:02:16,054 --> 00:02:17,521
Return the device, woman!

61
00:02:17,589 --> 00:02:19,690
Geez. What, did you carry
a thesaurus around with you?

62
00:02:19,758 --> 00:02:21,525
You know, it's amazing
I could speak at all

63
00:02:21,593 --> 00:02:23,060
with that circumcision
still healing.

64
00:02:23,128 --> 00:02:24,194
Hey, wait a minute, Stewie.

65
00:02:24,262 --> 00:02:25,362
That's the spot!

66
00:02:25,430 --> 00:02:26,697
That's where I buried
my tennis ball!

67
00:02:26,765 --> 00:02:27,798
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

68
00:02:27,866 --> 00:02:28,799
Brian, what
are you doing?

69
00:02:28,867 --> 00:02:30,200
You can't dig
it up here.

70
00:02:30,268 --> 00:02:32,069
Just make a mental note
of where you buried it,

71
00:02:32,137 --> 00:02:33,303
and as soon as we're
back in the present,

72
00:02:33,371 --> 00:02:34,404
you can dig it up then.

73
00:02:34,472 --> 00:02:35,939
- Why?
- Because we can't risk

74
00:02:36,007 --> 00:02:37,708
doing anything that
alters the past.

75
00:02:37,776 --> 00:02:39,042
You know, I never got that.

76
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:41,478
I mean, w-wouldn't you want
to alter the past?

77
00:02:41,546 --> 00:02:43,714
I mean, you could make life
better for yourself.

78
00:02:43,782 --> 00:02:45,716
And not just for yourself,
for everyone.

79
00:02:45,784 --> 00:02:47,751
You-You could stop 9/11.

80
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:50,254
Brian, there's one rule
of time travel, and that is:

81
00:02:50,321 --> 00:02:52,222
Do not alter the past in any way

82
00:02:52,290 --> 00:02:53,957
or the consequences
could be dire.

83
00:02:54,025 --> 00:02:54,958
Yeah, where'd
you hear that?

84
00:02:55,026 --> 00:02:56,160
<i>Quantum Leap.</i>

85
00:02:56,227 --> 00:02:58,061
That guy changed the past
all the time!

86
00:02:58,129 --> 00:02:59,329
Whoa, ass ahoy.

87
00:03:00,632 --> 00:03:01,765
Hey, Peter, it's 7:00

88
00:03:01,833 --> 00:03:03,066
and you've still
got your pants on.

89
00:03:03,134 --> 00:03:04,034
What's the occasion?

90
00:03:04,102 --> 00:03:05,402
Ew, I remember this.

91
00:03:05,470 --> 00:03:07,337
Peter's eye did
that weird creepy thing

92
00:03:07,405 --> 00:03:08,906
where it went
over his nose.

93
00:03:08,973 --> 00:03:10,874
Come on, you're
worrying about nothing.

94
00:03:10,942 --> 00:03:12,743
Oh? Remember when
you got drunk

95
00:03:12,811 --> 00:03:14,478
off the communion wine
at church?

96
00:03:14,546 --> 00:03:15,579
Ah! Ew! Gross!

97
00:03:15,647 --> 00:03:16,713
Look at that.

98
00:03:16,781 --> 00:03:19,116
Wait, what are
they doing?

99
00:03:19,184 --> 00:03:20,284
I don't know.

100
00:03:20,351 --> 00:03:22,252
They're just standing there
like zombies.

101
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:23,687
Do you think
they're all right?

102
00:03:23,755 --> 00:03:26,123
I-I'm not sure.

103
00:03:26,191 --> 00:03:28,725
And then there was that time
at the ice cream store.

104
00:03:30,962 --> 00:03:32,329
They're doing it again.
What the hell?

105
00:03:32,397 --> 00:03:33,697
I-I'm at a loss.

106
00:03:33,765 --> 00:03:35,532
I mean, I know we're not
supposed to mess with

107
00:03:35,600 --> 00:03:37,901
the timeline, but should
we call an ambulance?

108
00:03:37,969 --> 00:03:41,805
That is so creepy.

109
00:03:41,873 --> 00:03:43,740
And remember you had
an Irish coffee

110
00:03:43,808 --> 00:03:46,310
the day we went
to see <i>Philadelphia?</i>

111
00:03:46,377 --> 00:03:48,645
Oh. They're do-- they're
setting up (bleep) cutaways.

112
00:03:48,713 --> 00:03:50,647
Oh, my God, is that
what we did back then?

113
00:03:50,715 --> 00:03:52,082
Yeah, I mean,
now, we just like

114
00:03:52,150 --> 00:03:54,551
return text messages
and screw around and whatnot.

115
00:03:54,619 --> 00:03:56,687
Lois, I'm not going
back to work tomorrow.

116
00:03:56,754 --> 00:03:58,388
That new boss
has it in for me.

117
00:03:58,456 --> 00:04:00,757
He's meaner than
a shifty salesman.

118
00:04:07,999 --> 00:04:09,499
You sure you got time
to smoke?

119
00:04:09,567 --> 00:04:10,934
Oh, yeah,
it's an Al Harrington.

120
00:04:11,002 --> 00:04:12,569
It goes on for a while.

121
00:04:12,637 --> 00:04:14,771
All right, look, we found out
where your ball is buried.

122
00:04:14,839 --> 00:04:16,273
Now let's get back
to our own time.

123
00:04:16,341 --> 00:04:17,708
Okay, get the return pad.
Let's go.

124
00:04:17,775 --> 00:04:18,775
Not out here
in the open.

125
00:04:18,843 --> 00:04:20,043
Someone could see us.

126
00:04:20,111 --> 00:04:21,812
Remember? No altering
the timeline?

127
00:04:21,880 --> 00:04:24,014
Come on, let's
get up to my room.

128
00:04:24,082 --> 00:04:26,216
Hey, wait a minute, Stewie,
I got to take a leak.

129
00:04:26,284 --> 00:04:27,584
Will it screw up
the timeline

130
00:04:27,652 --> 00:04:29,553
if my future pee goes
in a past toilet?

131
00:04:29,621 --> 00:04:31,755
Uh, no, as long as
it goes in the toilet.

132
00:04:31,823 --> 00:04:33,490
One splash on
a magazine in there,

133
00:04:33,558 --> 00:04:35,893
and we're getting
chased by dinosaurs.

134
00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:39,763
Huh. Looks more or less
the same.

135
00:04:39,831 --> 00:04:41,865
Oh, my God, my Japanese
children's books.

136
00:04:41,933 --> 00:04:43,400
I forgot about these.

137
00:04:43,468 --> 00:04:44,968
<i>You Poop Now.</i>

138
00:04:45,036 --> 00:04:47,204
<i>Horton Hears a Suicide.</i>

139
00:04:47,272 --> 00:04:50,007
<i>The Little Engine That Will,</i>
<i>Or Get Great Shame.</i>

140
00:04:50,074 --> 00:04:51,074
Oh, there you are.

141
00:04:51,142 --> 00:04:52,109
All right,
come on, Brian.

142
00:04:52,176 --> 00:04:53,210
Let's get
out of here.

143
00:04:53,278 --> 00:04:54,478
Blast, that draggle-tailed,

144
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:55,979
blunt-edged,
matriarchal despot!

145
00:04:56,047 --> 00:04:57,948
Who the deuce
does she think she is?!

146
00:04:58,016 --> 00:04:58,949
Quick, Brian, hide!

147
00:05:00,852 --> 00:05:03,987
I shall cleverly disguise this
lethal plasma disruptor device

148
00:05:04,055 --> 00:05:06,323
as a tuna fish sandwich,
whereupon I shall end

149
00:05:06,391 --> 00:05:08,692
that wretched woman's
Draconian reign of tyranny!

150
00:05:16,901 --> 00:05:18,602
Oh. Hey.

151
00:05:18,670 --> 00:05:19,903
Who the deuce
are you?

152
00:05:19,971 --> 00:05:23,040
Uh, well, I'm, uh...
I'm you.

153
00:05:23,107 --> 00:05:25,642
You look like me, but
that's utterly impossible.

154
00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:27,010
I'm afraid it's true.

155
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,345
I'm you from the future.

156
00:05:28,413 --> 00:05:29,613
I've traveled back in time.

157
00:05:29,681 --> 00:05:30,981
That's absurd.

158
00:05:31,049 --> 00:05:33,383
Look, I can prove to you
that I'm you from the future.

159
00:05:33,451 --> 00:05:35,986
I know about
the Eddie Bauer catalog.

160
00:05:36,054 --> 00:05:37,587
It is you!

161
00:05:37,655 --> 00:05:39,589
Okay, bye, Lois.

162
00:05:39,657 --> 00:05:42,125
I'm going to the stag party.

163
00:05:42,193 --> 00:05:43,627
Brian, you might as well
come out now.

164
00:05:43,695 --> 00:05:44,661
He knows everything.

165
00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:49,299
Uh-oh.

166
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:08,885
Brian, are you
all right?

167
00:06:08,953 --> 00:06:09,886
Yeah, I'm fine.

168
00:06:09,954 --> 00:06:10,988
Where'd you get that?

169
00:06:11,055 --> 00:06:12,255
The Stewie from
the past has

170
00:06:12,323 --> 00:06:13,957
a lot more gadgets
and things than I do.

171
00:06:14,025 --> 00:06:15,359
I've kind of slacked
off a little bit.

172
00:06:15,426 --> 00:06:17,361
How's the party?
Looks like fun.

173
00:06:17,428 --> 00:06:19,196
Hey, who wants to play
"Drink the Beer"?

174
00:06:19,263 --> 00:06:20,230
Right here.

175
00:06:20,298 --> 00:06:21,665
- You win!
- All right!

176
00:06:21,733 --> 00:06:23,633
- What do I win?
- Another beer!

177
00:06:23,701 --> 00:06:26,570
Okay, take a last look,
'cause we're out of here.

178
00:06:26,637 --> 00:06:28,038
Oh, look at that.

179
00:06:28,106 --> 00:06:29,906
There's the old gang
we've gotten to know

180
00:06:29,974 --> 00:06:31,375
so well over the years.

181
00:06:34,278 --> 00:06:35,879
TV's not even
plugged in.

182
00:06:41,753 --> 00:06:42,786
What is this?

183
00:06:42,854 --> 00:06:44,121
Where the
hell are we?

184
00:06:44,188 --> 00:06:45,555
The air is electric

185
00:06:45,623 --> 00:06:48,025
here at Super Bowl 33 tonight.

186
00:06:48,092 --> 00:06:49,659
- Stewie, what's going on?
- I don't know.

187
00:06:49,727 --> 00:06:50,994
For some reason,
the time machine

188
00:06:51,062 --> 00:06:52,229
didn't take us
back to the present.

189
00:06:52,296 --> 00:06:53,730
We're still in 1999.

190
00:06:53,798 --> 00:06:55,399
Wait a minute.
I remember this.

191
00:06:55,466 --> 00:06:57,167
I think I'm up
in that blimp.

192
00:06:59,437 --> 00:07:01,104
Amazing. You can
barely drive a car,

193
00:07:01,172 --> 00:07:02,973
and yet you were
allowed to fly a blimp?

194
00:07:03,041 --> 00:07:04,007
Yeah, America's
great, isn't it?

195
00:07:04,075 --> 00:07:05,409
'Cept for the South.

196
00:07:05,476 --> 00:07:08,078
Oh, no wonder the return pad
didn't take us all the way.

197
00:07:08,146 --> 00:07:09,780
The batteries
are almost depleted.

198
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:11,048
Are those D batteries?

199
00:07:11,115 --> 00:07:12,716
Yes, ever since we had
that trouble in Germany,

200
00:07:12,784 --> 00:07:14,151
I found a way to convert it

201
00:07:14,218 --> 00:07:16,253
so it takes D batteries
instead of uranium.

202
00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:18,388
Only problem is, I didn't
bring any cash with me.

203
00:07:18,456 --> 00:07:19,723
Did you?

204
00:07:19,791 --> 00:07:21,091
I don't think that's
gonna be a problem.

205
00:07:22,794 --> 00:07:24,327
Oh, my God!
Quick, grab some money!

206
00:07:26,531 --> 00:07:28,265
Do you, do you
have pockets?

207
00:07:28,332 --> 00:07:29,766
Are you putting that
in pockets?

208
00:07:29,834 --> 00:07:31,001
That's so cute.

209
00:07:35,306 --> 00:07:37,040
The crowd is storming the field!

210
00:07:37,108 --> 00:07:38,408
This is pandemonium!

211
00:07:51,456 --> 00:07:53,323
Quick, Brian, get on!

212
00:07:59,163 --> 00:08:00,697
Whoa, crash ahoy.

213
00:08:04,602 --> 00:08:06,903
Oh, God!
Now where are we?

214
00:08:09,207 --> 00:08:12,509
Well, you know, I figured
the sooner I cashed the check,

215
00:08:12,577 --> 00:08:14,344
the sooner they'd, uh,
catch their mistake.

216
00:08:15,947 --> 00:08:17,848
Look, why are we making
a federal case out of this?

217
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:19,249
Oh, man, this
is the day

218
00:08:19,317 --> 00:08:21,118
Peter went to court
for his welfare fraud.

219
00:08:24,322 --> 00:08:25,255
Hey.

220
00:08:25,323 --> 00:08:26,857
Huh? Oh, hey.

221
00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,058
You're the Kool-Aid Guy.

222
00:08:28,126 --> 00:08:29,092
Yeah.

223
00:08:29,160 --> 00:08:30,260
What are you doing?

224
00:08:30,328 --> 00:08:31,328
Just waiting.

225
00:08:31,395 --> 00:08:32,529
For what?

226
00:08:32,597 --> 00:08:33,964
I'm just waiting,
dude-- relax.

227
00:08:34,031 --> 00:08:36,433
Hey, is there any place around
here that sells batteries?

228
00:08:36,501 --> 00:08:37,667
Guys, d-don't
distract me, all right?

229
00:08:37,735 --> 00:08:39,136
I gotta really be up.

230
00:08:39,203 --> 00:08:42,105
Mr. Griffin, I think your
words have touched us all.

231
00:08:42,173 --> 00:08:44,808
I'm sentencing you
to 24 months in prison!

232
00:08:44,876 --> 00:08:46,243
Oh, no.
Oh, no.

233
00:08:46,310 --> 00:08:47,477
Oh, no!
Oh, no!

234
00:08:50,148 --> 00:08:52,149
So there's no organs
or glands or anything, right?

235
00:08:52,216 --> 00:08:53,383
It's just the liquid?

236
00:08:53,451 --> 00:08:54,718
Yeah. Yeah, it's
just the liquid.

237
00:08:54,785 --> 00:08:56,953
Um, I don't know
if this is a weird question,

238
00:08:57,021 --> 00:08:59,089
but... can I have some?

239
00:08:59,157 --> 00:09:00,690
All right, fine.
Tilt your head back,

240
00:09:00,758 --> 00:09:02,592
and I'll lean my liquid
down into your mouth.

241
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,060
Oh, now I don't want it.

242
00:09:04,128 --> 00:09:05,462
Oh, crap!
Did I miss it?!

243
00:09:05,530 --> 00:09:08,798
Look, my husband may be
a bit thoughtless at times;

244
00:09:08,866 --> 00:09:11,835
he may even be downright,
well, stupid,

245
00:09:11,903 --> 00:09:15,405
but I know he only accepted
that money because he...

246
00:09:15,473 --> 00:09:17,841
Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah! Yeah!

247
00:09:28,252 --> 00:09:29,553
You guys did this!

248
00:09:29,620 --> 00:09:31,288
You guys (bleep) did this!

249
00:09:31,355 --> 00:09:32,689
Talking about my guts?!

250
00:09:32,757 --> 00:09:34,124
me up?!
you!

251
00:09:40,199 --> 00:09:41,104
Okay, this is good.

252
00:09:41,105 --> 00:09:42,238
We got the
D batteries.

253
00:09:42,306 --> 00:09:43,306
Let's get back
to the present.

254
00:09:43,374 --> 00:09:44,874
All right, get on.

255
00:09:51,415 --> 00:09:52,849
We made it.

256
00:09:52,916 --> 00:09:54,317
Yeah, the Super Bowl
was cool,

257
00:09:54,385 --> 00:09:57,220
but frankly, no Tommy Brady,
no Stewie likey.

258
00:09:57,287 --> 00:09:58,655
Brian, there you are!

259
00:09:58,722 --> 00:10:00,156
Come quick,
they're about to announce

260
00:10:00,224 --> 00:10:02,291
the unveiling of
your statue on the news.

261
00:10:02,359 --> 00:10:03,793
Statue?! For what?

262
00:10:03,861 --> 00:10:05,928
What do you think,
Mr. National Hero?

263
00:10:05,996 --> 00:10:09,599
For stopping the 9/11 terrorist
attacks and saving our country.

264
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:11,034
Oh, you--

265
00:10:11,101 --> 00:10:14,404
I can't even express
how mad I am at you right now.

266
00:10:14,471 --> 00:10:15,772
If it wasn't for you,

267
00:10:15,839 --> 00:10:18,207
those planes would've hit
the World Trade Center.

268
00:10:18,275 --> 00:10:19,842
Brian, what the hell
did you do?!

269
00:10:19,910 --> 00:10:23,713
I, uh, may have told my
former self about 9/11.

270
00:10:23,781 --> 00:10:25,715
What did I tell you
about altering the past?!

271
00:10:25,783 --> 00:10:27,350
Wait-Wait, when did you
even do that?

272
00:10:27,418 --> 00:10:29,519
Well, you remember when I said
I was going to take a leak?

273
00:10:29,586 --> 00:10:31,054
Brian, you shouldn't
have done that.

274
00:10:31,121 --> 00:10:33,690
Who knows what unforeseen
consequences are awaiting us.

275
00:10:33,757 --> 00:10:35,491
Saddam Hussein
could be president.

276
00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:37,860
Mexico could be the world's
dominant super power.

277
00:10:37,928 --> 00:10:39,962
Cookie Monster could have
invented Facebook!

278
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:41,497
What is this?

279
00:10:41,565 --> 00:10:42,932
Cookiebook.

280
00:10:43,000 --> 00:10:43,900
Brian!

281
00:10:43,967 --> 00:10:45,301
Hurry, it's starting!

282
00:10:47,438 --> 00:10:48,404
Good evening.
I'm Tom Tucker.

283
00:10:48,472 --> 00:10:49,972
And I'm Joyce Kinney.

284
00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:52,709
Our top story: Quahog prepares
to unveil a new statue

285
00:10:52,776 --> 00:10:54,677
commemorating perhaps
its greatest hero ever.

286
00:10:54,745 --> 00:10:56,379
That's right, Tom.

287
00:10:56,447 --> 00:10:59,148
It was ten years ago that an
almost inconceivable plot

288
00:10:59,216 --> 00:11:00,750
to destroy the
World Trade Center

289
00:11:00,818 --> 00:11:03,419
was thwarted by Quahog's
own Brian Griffin.

290
00:11:03,487 --> 00:11:05,955
This amateur video
captured Griffin's heroism

291
00:11:06,023 --> 00:11:08,458
in the face of a shadowy
terrorist organization called--

292
00:11:08,525 --> 00:11:10,359
holy (bleep),
look at all those vowels--

293
00:11:10,427 --> 00:11:13,763
Al Qua-aye-eeda.

294
00:11:13,831 --> 00:11:15,998
Here.
Make sure you get all this.

295
00:11:17,901 --> 00:11:20,837
Time to terrorize
the terrorists.

296
00:11:20,904 --> 00:11:23,306
Ugh. You prepared
catch phrases for yourself?

297
00:11:23,373 --> 00:11:25,208
No. Not necessarily.

298
00:11:27,411 --> 00:11:29,712
Mohammed Atta stayed home.

299
00:11:29,780 --> 00:11:31,114
Nobody knows
that guy's name yet.

300
00:11:31,181 --> 00:11:33,416
You're using information
that nobody knows.

301
00:11:34,852 --> 00:11:37,253
Houston, we have a solution.

302
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:39,856
Houston's for space,
not everyday air travel.

303
00:11:39,923 --> 00:11:42,391
Tell them to ground every plane
out of the East Coast.

304
00:11:42,459 --> 00:11:43,793
Seacrest out.

305
00:11:48,132 --> 00:11:49,665
Wow. What a hero.

306
00:11:49,733 --> 00:11:51,434
Coming up next in sports:

307
00:11:51,502 --> 00:11:53,236
Arizona Cardinal
Pat Tillman

308
00:11:53,303 --> 00:11:55,304
tackled by his own team?

309
00:11:55,372 --> 00:11:56,973
Oh, Brian,
we're so proud of you.

310
00:11:57,040 --> 00:11:58,174
Yeah, buddy.

311
00:11:58,242 --> 00:11:59,609
Great job stopping
those terrorists.

312
00:11:59,676 --> 00:12:01,110
And thank God
their follow-up attack

313
00:12:01,178 --> 00:12:02,912
on St. Louis was a bust.

314
00:12:04,815 --> 00:12:06,115
<i>We missed!</i>

315
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,851
Brian, I promise you,
all of this can only end badly.

316
00:12:08,919 --> 00:12:10,153
Stewie, it's fine.

317
00:12:10,220 --> 00:12:11,621
I prevented 9/11.

318
00:12:11,688 --> 00:12:13,489
How could that possibly
be a bad thing?

319
00:12:13,557 --> 00:12:15,691
I mean, come on, I-I
saved, like, 200 lives.

320
00:12:15,759 --> 00:12:16,759
3,000.

321
00:12:16,827 --> 00:12:18,294
Wow! 3,000?!

322
00:12:18,362 --> 00:12:20,396
Oh, you knew what you
were doing there.

323
00:12:20,464 --> 00:12:22,431
This major
breaking news just in.

324
00:12:22,499 --> 00:12:24,000
Nine Southern states
have declared

325
00:12:24,067 --> 00:12:25,835
that they are seceding
from the United States.

326
00:12:25,903 --> 00:12:27,036
The announcement came

327
00:12:27,104 --> 00:12:29,005
from former President
George W. Bush,

328
00:12:29,072 --> 00:12:30,540
who reformed
the Confederacy

329
00:12:30,607 --> 00:12:33,876
after a bitter loss in
his 2004 reelection bid.

330
00:12:33,944 --> 00:12:35,578
Bush lost in 2004?

331
00:12:35,646 --> 00:12:36,712
Yeah, he probably
couldn't

332
00:12:36,780 --> 00:12:38,815
exploit people's
fears with no 9/11.

333
00:12:38,882 --> 00:12:40,049
Bush appeared
before the press today

334
00:12:40,117 --> 00:12:41,651
to make this brief statement.

335
00:12:41,718 --> 00:12:42,985
If anyone out there can get

336
00:12:43,053 --> 00:12:44,754
their hands
on a clown's suitcase,

337
00:12:44,822 --> 00:12:47,056
I'd very much like to see
what's inside of there.

338
00:12:47,124 --> 00:12:49,358
I think we have the wrong clip.

339
00:12:49,426 --> 00:12:51,694
What? No?

340
00:12:51,762 --> 00:12:53,529
It... this...?

341
00:12:53,597 --> 00:12:55,698
Uh, okay,
that was George W. Bush

342
00:12:55,766 --> 00:12:57,834
declaring civil war
on the Northern states.

343
00:12:57,901 --> 00:12:59,936
Oh, my God!
Civil war?

344
00:13:00,003 --> 00:13:01,337
See, Brian?

345
00:13:01,405 --> 00:13:02,772
This is exactly
what I was talking about.

346
00:13:02,840 --> 00:13:04,340
Look, Stewie, this
doesn't necessarily mean

347
00:13:04,408 --> 00:13:05,875
things are going
to turn out badly.

348
00:13:05,943 --> 00:13:07,577
In fact, I bet, five
years from now,

349
00:13:07,644 --> 00:13:09,812
the world will still be
better off for what I did.

350
00:13:09,880 --> 00:13:11,180
Is that so?

351
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,849
Well, Brian, if you're
that sure of yourself,

352
00:13:12,916 --> 00:13:14,851
then let's go five years
into the future,

353
00:13:14,918 --> 00:13:16,686
and you can prove me wrong.
Fine.

354
00:13:28,332 --> 00:13:29,999
Wow. This is
the future?

355
00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:31,934
Everything
looks slicker.

356
00:13:32,002 --> 00:13:33,769
Hey, Lois, I found some
double-sided tape.

357
00:13:33,837 --> 00:13:35,738
I think I can do about
seven minutes worth

358
00:13:35,806 --> 00:13:37,206
of funny stuff
with it.

359
00:13:37,274 --> 00:13:38,975
That should get us to the
Meg kissing booth story.

360
00:13:39,042 --> 00:13:41,544
Wow. Things have gotten
kind of lazy, huh?

361
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,845
Hey, Peter.

362
00:13:42,913 --> 00:13:45,014
Thanks for letting me
borrow your screwdriver set.

363
00:13:45,082 --> 00:13:47,483
You know, I just want to say
how nice it is

364
00:13:47,551 --> 00:13:49,819
to be back here with y'all
on Spooner Street.

365
00:13:49,887 --> 00:13:52,388
Oh, I guess things
didn't work out in Virginia.

366
00:13:52,456 --> 00:13:54,624
Chris, I heard you got a
"D" on your report card.

367
00:13:54,691 --> 00:13:55,958
Here's a cutaway.

368
00:13:56,026 --> 00:13:58,761
Matthew McConaughey is terrible.

369
00:13:58,829 --> 00:14:00,129
Good Lord!
What's happened to us?

370
00:14:00,197 --> 00:14:01,764
Okay, maybe things
seem a little off,

371
00:14:01,832 --> 00:14:03,666
but other than that,
the world seems okay.

372
00:14:03,734 --> 00:14:05,101
Which proves my point.

373
00:14:05,168 --> 00:14:07,703
Me stopping 9/11 led to a
world that's just fine.

374
00:14:07,771 --> 00:14:09,805
Well, I'll see y'all tomorrow.

375
00:14:17,481 --> 00:14:20,016
Brian, you might want
to look outside.

376
00:14:20,083 --> 00:14:21,884
Oh, my God!

377
00:14:30,294 --> 00:14:32,161
Oh, oh! Pebble in my shoe!

378
00:14:32,229 --> 00:14:34,630
Pebble in my shoe.
Pebble in my shoe.

379
00:14:34,698 --> 00:14:36,098
Nice work, Bri.

380
00:14:36,166 --> 00:14:37,867
Whoops.

381
00:14:37,935 --> 00:14:40,069
Well, at least Joe
gets to be a cyborg.

382
00:14:47,477 --> 00:14:48,778
Freeze, Frogmire.

383
00:14:48,845 --> 00:14:50,780
You are out past curfew,

384
00:14:50,847 --> 00:14:53,516
and therefore, in violation
of local ordinance.

385
00:14:53,583 --> 00:14:54,417
Ribbity.

386
00:15:02,791 --> 00:15:04,258
What the hell happened?

387
00:15:04,326 --> 00:15:06,360
Could I really have
caused all this?

388
00:15:06,428 --> 00:15:08,529
It says here that the new
American civil war

389
00:15:08,597 --> 00:15:10,631
you set into motion
ended up in a series

390
00:15:10,699 --> 00:15:13,634
of concentrated nuclear strikes
all along the Eastern Seaboard.

391
00:15:13,702 --> 00:15:16,036
It killed 17 million people.

392
00:15:16,104 --> 00:15:17,371
Oh.

393
00:15:17,439 --> 00:15:19,006
- Including Cesar Millan.
- No!

394
00:15:19,074 --> 00:15:20,874
Okay, okay, I get it--
Stewie, I screwed up.

395
00:15:20,942 --> 00:15:22,509
All right? I shouldn't
have altered the past.

396
00:15:22,577 --> 00:15:23,844
Is there anything
we can do?

397
00:15:23,912 --> 00:15:25,913
Well, the only way
to fix this is to return

398
00:15:25,981 --> 00:15:28,148
to the moment when we
first arrived in the past

399
00:15:28,216 --> 00:15:30,484
and stop you from spilling
the beans about 9/11.

400
00:15:30,552 --> 00:15:32,186
Okay. Okay,
let's do it.

401
00:15:38,159 --> 00:15:39,393
Whoa, ass ahoy.

402
00:15:39,461 --> 00:15:40,794
All right, look,
there we are.

403
00:15:40,862 --> 00:15:42,262
Hey, uh,
Peter, it's 7:00

404
00:15:42,330 --> 00:15:43,697
and you've still
got your pants on.

405
00:15:43,765 --> 00:15:44,632
What's the
occasion?

406
00:15:44,699 --> 00:15:45,699
Stop!
Both of you!

407
00:15:45,767 --> 00:15:46,900
What the hell?
Who are you?

408
00:15:46,968 --> 00:15:48,268
We're you,
from the future.

409
00:15:48,336 --> 00:15:50,037
Oh, boy, this can't
be good news.

410
00:15:50,105 --> 00:15:51,939
Who screwed up?
Take a wild guess.

411
00:15:52,007 --> 00:15:54,008
- What did I do?
- Well, nothing yet, but listen.

412
00:15:54,075 --> 00:15:55,576
Whatever you do,
you cannot tell

413
00:15:55,644 --> 00:15:58,145
your former self--
that Brian-- about 9/11.

414
00:15:58,213 --> 00:16:01,215
If you do, America as you
know it will cease to exist.

415
00:16:01,282 --> 00:16:02,449
My God, Brian.
What the hell?

416
00:16:02,517 --> 00:16:03,651
We've been here
two minutes,

417
00:16:03,718 --> 00:16:05,352
and already you've
destroyed America.

418
00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:07,321
Okay, okay. I promise
I won't say anything.

419
00:16:07,389 --> 00:16:10,357
Also, if you don't give
that Stewie a back rub,

420
00:16:10,425 --> 00:16:12,159
it really messes
everything up.

421
00:16:14,663 --> 00:16:16,463
All right,
can we go now?

422
00:16:21,202 --> 00:16:22,770
Did that do it?

423
00:16:22,837 --> 00:16:23,837
Did we restore
the past?

424
00:16:23,905 --> 00:16:24,872
Well, let's check.

425
00:16:24,939 --> 00:16:27,441
"9/11."

426
00:16:27,509 --> 00:16:28,776
Oh, there it is.

427
00:16:28,843 --> 00:16:30,110
We did it, Brian.

428
00:16:30,178 --> 00:16:31,545
We made 9/11 happen.

429
00:16:31,613 --> 00:16:32,880
High five! All right!
All right!

430
00:16:32,947 --> 00:16:34,214
Yeah!
High five!

431
00:16:34,282 --> 00:16:35,349
Wow, that...
that probably

432
00:16:35,417 --> 00:16:37,084
wouldn't look very good
out of context.

433
00:16:37,152 --> 00:16:39,687
There's the writer
of the <i>Harry Potter</i> series.

434
00:16:39,754 --> 00:16:42,523
Must be weird hanging out
with us Muggles, huh, Brian?

435
00:16:42,590 --> 00:16:43,524
Yeah.

436
00:16:43,591 --> 00:16:45,292
Well, laundrium insertum.

437
00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:46,660
Huh?

438
00:16:46,728 --> 00:16:48,095
Oh, my God.

439
00:16:48,163 --> 00:16:49,596
All right, you obviously
have no self-control,

440
00:16:49,664 --> 00:16:51,999
so we've got to go back
and do this again.

441
00:16:54,636 --> 00:16:55,469
Whoa, ass ahoy.

442
00:16:55,537 --> 00:16:56,570
All right, let's go.

443
00:16:56,638 --> 00:16:57,838
Hey, uh, Peter,
it's 7:00

444
00:16:57,906 --> 00:16:59,206
and you've still
got your pants on.

445
00:16:59,274 --> 00:17:00,841
Oh, yeah, that's right.
We were just here.

446
00:17:00,909 --> 00:17:02,309
Wait!

447
00:17:02,377 --> 00:17:03,844
Who the devil
are you?

448
00:17:03,912 --> 00:17:05,412
We're from the future.
So are we.

449
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,647
We're from
the further future.

450
00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:07,915
We came to stop you.

451
00:17:07,982 --> 00:17:09,216
Why?
What they did

452
00:17:09,284 --> 00:17:11,051
actually turns out
to be damage-free.

453
00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:12,853
It's what you're about to do--
stopping them--

454
00:17:12,921 --> 00:17:14,688
that causes utter bedlam.

455
00:17:14,756 --> 00:17:16,323
Oh, come on.

456
00:17:16,391 --> 00:17:17,558
Wait!
Stop!

457
00:17:17,625 --> 00:17:19,293
We're from the further
further future.

458
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:21,295
What you guys do
eventually works out.

459
00:17:21,362 --> 00:17:22,863
It's what you two
are about to do

460
00:17:22,931 --> 00:17:24,264
that ruins everything!

461
00:17:24,332 --> 00:17:25,466
Stop!
Don't do anything!

462
00:17:25,533 --> 00:17:26,867
Oh, for
God's sake.

463
00:17:26,935 --> 00:17:28,802
We're from the further
further further future.

464
00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:30,370
What these two do
is fine.

465
00:17:30,438 --> 00:17:32,795
It's what you two do
that makes things worse.

466
00:17:32,796 --> 00:17:33,863
- Stop!
- Wait!

467
00:17:33,888 --> 00:17:34,508
- Hold it!
- Stop!

468
00:17:34,509 --> 00:17:35,809
- Wait!
- No!

469
00:17:35,877 --> 00:17:36,944
Hold it!
Stop!

470
00:17:37,011 --> 00:17:38,112
I don't know what
I'm doing here.

471
00:17:38,179 --> 00:17:39,079
I'm just looking
for the can.

472
00:17:39,147 --> 00:17:40,447
- Don't move!
- Hold it!

473
00:17:40,515 --> 00:17:41,448
- Freeze!
- Stop!

474
00:17:41,516 --> 00:17:42,516
- Wait!
- No!

475
00:17:42,584 --> 00:17:43,917
Oh, for God's sake, why?

476
00:17:43,985 --> 00:17:45,285
This is why!

477
00:17:45,353 --> 00:17:46,653
- Don't move!
- Hold it!

478
00:17:46,721 --> 00:17:47,821
- Freeze!
- Stop!

479
00:17:47,889 --> 00:17:49,223
- No!
- Wait!

480
00:17:49,290 --> 00:17:51,325
Oh, my God.
What's that?

481
00:17:51,392 --> 00:17:52,726
I don't know
what happened.

482
00:17:52,794 --> 00:17:54,595
This is life
for some reason.

483
00:17:54,662 --> 00:17:56,430
Don't do whatever
you're about to do.

484
00:17:56,498 --> 00:17:57,798
God help us.

485
00:17:57,866 --> 00:17:59,666
This is no
way to live.

486
00:18:04,372 --> 00:18:06,073
No, don't do it!
Halt!

487
00:18:15,717 --> 00:18:19,186
All right, everybody,
shut the hell up!

488
00:18:19,254 --> 00:18:21,188
All right, this is (bleep),
all right?

489
00:18:21,256 --> 00:18:22,756
I can't follow
what's going on anymore,

490
00:18:22,824 --> 00:18:24,892
and I'm assuming
the rest of you can't, either.

491
00:18:24,959 --> 00:18:26,860
So let's make this easy
and take a vote.

492
00:18:26,928 --> 00:18:28,796
How many think
we should prevent 9/11?

493
00:18:28,863 --> 00:18:31,265
Raise your hands.

494
00:18:31,332 --> 00:18:33,133
One, two, three, four, five
six, seven, eight, nine...

495
00:18:33,201 --> 00:18:34,835
Okay, all right, looks like 42.

496
00:18:34,903 --> 00:18:36,503
All right, who votes "yes 9/11?"

497
00:18:40,708 --> 00:18:41,875
Okay, all right, 57.

498
00:18:41,943 --> 00:18:43,110
All right, 9/11 wins.

499
00:18:43,178 --> 00:18:44,745
Wait, wait, shouldn't it
be an even number?

500
00:18:44,813 --> 00:18:46,213
Why is the total
an odd number?

501
00:18:46,281 --> 00:18:48,348
Oh, yeah, I think one
of the Brians died.

502
00:18:48,416 --> 00:18:50,284
What? What do you mean?
I don't know-- one of them

503
00:18:50,351 --> 00:18:51,585
landed here
with its throat slit.

504
00:18:51,653 --> 00:18:53,220
But wait,
if one of me is dead,

505
00:18:53,288 --> 00:18:54,688
then shouldn't all
the me's be dead?

506
00:18:54,756 --> 00:18:56,690
Brian, I-I don't...
I... it's...

507
00:18:56,758 --> 00:18:58,158
I don't... I don't
know anymore. I-I...

508
00:18:58,226 --> 00:18:59,960
You know what?
I guess not. A-All right?

509
00:19:00,028 --> 00:19:01,929
Okay, listen up--
everybody, get back

510
00:19:01,996 --> 00:19:04,164
in your individual time machines
very carefully.

511
00:19:04,232 --> 00:19:05,566
Nobody touch anything.

512
00:19:05,633 --> 00:19:06,900
No <i>Harry Potter</i> novels.

513
00:19:06,968 --> 00:19:08,402
Don't step on a bug.

514
00:19:08,469 --> 00:19:10,404
Don't give earlier yous
investment advice.

515
00:19:10,471 --> 00:19:12,840
Just go back to where you
came from, and stay there!

516
00:19:32,093 --> 00:19:33,260
There.

517
00:19:33,328 --> 00:19:34,628
Now, we're going
to do what we

518
00:19:34,696 --> 00:19:36,029
should have done
in the first place.

519
00:19:36,097 --> 00:19:37,531
Get on.

520
00:19:40,802 --> 00:19:43,136
Wait a minute.
Isn't this where we just were?

521
00:19:43,204 --> 00:19:44,271
Where are
the other two us's?

522
00:19:44,339 --> 00:19:45,772
They're not here yet.

523
00:19:45,840 --> 00:19:48,008
Just to make sure there are
absolutely no loose ends,

524
00:19:48,076 --> 00:19:49,910
I've sent us back in time
to the moment

525
00:19:49,978 --> 00:19:52,012
just before you and I
originally arrived.

526
00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:53,747
Why?
You'll see.

527
00:19:53,815 --> 00:19:55,716
Get the (bleep) back
in your time machine!

528
00:19:55,783 --> 00:19:57,084
Aah!
Who are you?

529
00:19:57,151 --> 00:19:58,385
Never mind who I am!

530
00:19:58,453 --> 00:19:59,887
Just get back
in your time machine,

531
00:19:59,954 --> 00:20:01,822
get back to the present,
and stay there!

532
00:20:01,890 --> 00:20:03,724
Look, just calm down.
Aah!

533
00:20:03,791 --> 00:20:05,626
You gonna flap your lips
or you gonna do what I said?

534
00:20:05,693 --> 00:20:06,760
Okay, okay!

535
00:20:06,828 --> 00:20:08,896
All right! God!

536
00:20:08,963 --> 00:20:10,297
You just talked
to yourself.

537
00:20:10,365 --> 00:20:11,498
Won't that
alter the past?

538
00:20:11,566 --> 00:20:12,933
Don't worry, Brian.

539
00:20:13,001 --> 00:20:15,002
If I was successful
in restoring the past just now,

540
00:20:15,069 --> 00:20:16,770
you and I will never
have existed.

541
00:20:16,838 --> 00:20:18,572
The chronological tangent
that created us

542
00:20:18,640 --> 00:20:19,740
will have been erased.

543
00:20:19,807 --> 00:20:21,675
Oh. Is it going to hurt?

544
00:20:21,743 --> 00:20:23,644
Just a little.

545
00:20:23,711 --> 00:20:25,279
Ow.

546
00:20:32,086 --> 00:20:33,687
Oh, God, my leg
is killing me.

547
00:20:33,755 --> 00:20:35,522
Well, time travel
is risky.

548
00:20:35,613 --> 00:20:37,347
Every time you step
into that machine,

549
00:20:37,415 --> 00:20:38,515
you invite the
possibility

550
00:20:38,583 --> 00:20:40,350
of altering the
world as we know it.

551
00:20:40,418 --> 00:20:41,718
Thankfully, the
alternate versions of us

552
00:20:41,786 --> 00:20:43,253
were there to prevent
us from doing

553
00:20:43,321 --> 00:20:44,555
whatever it is we
apparently did.

554
00:20:45,036 --> 00:20:46,904
I wonder what it was.
We'll never know.

555
00:20:47,469 --> 00:20:48,836
But look on the
bright side.

556
00:20:48,904 --> 00:20:51,072
You might be sitting here
with a hole in your leg,

557
00:20:51,140 --> 00:20:52,907
but at least our present
universe hasn't been affected.

558
00:20:52,975 --> 00:20:54,576
Sorry, guys.
I'm gonna need the couch.

559
00:20:54,643 --> 00:20:56,777
The gang and I
are gonna watch the game.

560
00:20:57,150 --> 00:20:59,770
All right, let's unplug
the TV and get going.

561
00:20:59,771 --> 00:21:03,771
== sync, corrected by elderman ==

9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
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